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 It Was All a Dream

All of my previous posts have focused on infertility, fertility treatments, and some of my own very personal experiences. However, fertility treatments have not been my only tried path to motherhood. 

Prior to beginning my lone journey with fertility treatments in the fall of 2020, the desire to foster and/ or adopt had already been planted in my heart. I had friends who had fostered several children, and eventually adopted. That had always peaked my interest. After I divorced, they would talk to me about their experiences and encourage me to consider doing the same. As an educator with a special love for children, the suggestion seemed plausible. I had always enjoyed being around children, and often considered students who I would have been willing to pour into and support outside of our school environment. Plus I grew up babysitting for neighbors, church members, and family. It was a joy for me, and I was good at it! 

Before divorcing in 2017, I had already started the process of IVF by freezing my eggs. Once divorced, I didn't often think about my preserved eggs, as I intended to use them once I met a mate and developed a serious relationship. Needless to say, that didn't happen in my scope of time. A few years went by and I began more seriously considering fostering and/ or adopting, but I was hesitant. I was afraid. I was single, with no prospect in view. I was living on a teacher's salary. And I was still holding out hope for someone to settle down with. God had other plans.

In August of 2018, I had just started the school year in a new position. Literally; I was a month in. While at work, a friend of mine who is a family law attorney called. Before she got into the reason for her call she provided a disclaimer, that what she was about to say was going to sound really crazy. She explained that she was working a case in which a prospective adoptive family had fallen through, and a baby who was to be born in the next few days would need to be adopted. Mind you, we had NEVER discussed me adopting, or even fostering. That was why this call seemed so "crazy". Take the absurdity of that information and add to it the fact that I am a SERIOUS over thinker. You can probably imagine my stress. A decision had to be made almost immediately and my brain was turning flips. I told her that I was interested, but unsure. I discussed it with my mom that evening after work and she was like, let's do it! 

At the time, I had been divorced for a year and was living with my mom. I was saving and actively looking for a place of my own. Sadness crept in because I knew I would more than likely not be able to afford purchasing a new home on my own, while financing a baby alone. In addition to that, I would need lots of help. During that brief time of thinking of all the things I WOULDN'T be able to do, I just told myself I WOULD do them. I figured that if God provided this opportunity for me, then there was a reason for it. Either I was to adopt, or purchase and move into a new home, or do both simultaneously. I was confident that God would make a way for me to still do all the things I wanted to do, in His time.

Once I gave my "yes", life kicked into high gear! I needed a crib, a car seat, formula, clothing, diapers, etc. And I needed it FAST! Have you ever heard the phrase "Do it afraid"? Well, that was me. I was doing all the things... communicating with my administration team, speaking with the benefits department, researching, shopping, and definitely praying. 

I was put in touch with the birth mother to be. That initial conversation was awkward for me.  She explained that she did not want to take on the care of another child, as she already had other children to tend to and just wanted a safe, nurturing home for her baby. She shared that the birth father had no interest in having the child, as he had made that very clear and then ceased communication upon learning about the pregnancy. 

Fast forward to the day of birth...the dad showed up at the hospital and claimed the baby. All of my hustle and bustle came to a screeching halt.  I was so disappointed, but honestly also a little relieved. So many emotions flooded my heart. Once the dust of that explosion settled, I was back on track with operation find-a-home, and getting adjusted to my new position at a new campus. 

Although the end result was saddening, I was sure that it had all happened for a reason, and that it was just not my time to become a mother.  All in all, that initial phone call from my attorney friend confirmed for me that fostering and/ or adopting was to be a part of my life plan.