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Love and Loss

“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  -Alfred Tennyson

But is it though? 

This question came up in response to a Facebook post of mine, back in 2018. That was prior to my whirlwind of a journey to motherhood. Since then I have questioned this statement often, and especially after suffering a miscarriage. I have asked myself if being pregnant for a couple of months was better than having not ever been able to get pregnant at all. 

Tis better to have loved and lost.

💗 After all of the appointments, surgeries, medications, injections, procedures, and prayers over a period of several years, finally becoming pregnant was a pleasant and welcomed surprise. Knowing that it was actually possible for me to get pregnant was reassuring. It gave me some comfort to know that my money, time, sacrifice, and heartache were not all for naught. It didn't work out in the end, but it HAPPENED.

💗 For several weeks I was able to feel the pride and joy of carrying and growing another life within me. That was surreal. I cannot describe what if felt like, but it brought me happiness.

Tis better never to have loved at all.

💔 The heartbreak and physical pain of miscarrying is definitely not something I expected or wanted. I would absolutely not have missed any of that suffering.

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After prudent consideration, I commemorate what would have been the first birthday of my miscarried child by saying that I agree with Mr. Tennyson. It is undoubtedly better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Alexander Charles Lewis

2022

Carried for a moment, loved for a lifetime.