Single Mother By Choice

After deciding to begin the IVF process in 2016, I had 11 eggs that remained frozen until 2020. A couple of days after my 43rd birthday my mother gently reminded me that those eggs were still there, and that I was getting older. She wanted to know what I was going to do with them. It sounds crazy, but I really had kind of forgotten about them. I had developed this plan that I would meet a man who I would eventually build a long-term relationship with and then together we could use my "younger" eggs to start a family. The problem? That plan never developed. So the REAL challenge began. (I thought I had already been through the hard part.)

 I was single and had no prospective partner in sight. I questioned if I was yet again putting my desire to have children on hold for a man (like when I married "late"). So much money had already gone into beginning the IVF process years before. I didn't want that money (or my eggs) to go to waste. So I decided to use a sperm donor. The idea of a sperm donor is one I had toyed with, even before marriage. I remember telling myself that if I wasn't married by 35, then I would just do it. That age kept getting pushed back. I had become familiar with the idea of a donor unexpectedly. (I'll share that story in a different blog post.) 

Refocusing. I did not expect to be 43, single, and childless. I felt my biological clock ticking, and I was well beyond the peak of my reproductive years. I felt I was running out of time. Choosing to move forward in the IVF process with a sperm donor put me in a state of mental anguish. I felt guilty, hopeless, sad, anxious, hurt, grieved, and distressed. I had SO many thoughts and questions.

How embarrassing.

This seems desperate.

What will God say?

Am I taking things into my own hands and overriding God's plan for my life? Is that even possible?

Is this the right thing to do?

What will people say about me?

Should I wait until I meet someone? I'm already 43. If I meet someone next week, we won't be planning to have children any time soon.

Will God be displeased with me?

These are only a FRACTION of the thoughts that went through my mind. (I tend to overthink everything.) Yet, I pushed forward. Thereafter I underwent 8 more procedures (in addition to the fibroid removal, 2 polyp removals, and the first IUI). There were 2 more polypectomies, 3 frozen embryo transfers (FETs), 1 endometrial receptivity array (ERA) endometrial biopsy, 2 more IUIs, and a miscarriage ... not in that order. 

THE DEETS:

✅ Polypectomy- the surgical removal of a polyp (most common are uterine and colon)

✅ Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET)- the transferral of a fresh or frozen embryo into a woman's uterus, during a cycle of IVF

✅ ERA Endometrial Biopsy- the first diagnostic test that determines each woman's unique personalized embryo transfer timing, therefore synchronizing the embryo transfer with the individualized window of implantation

✅ Intrauterine insemination (IUI)- a type of artificial insemination, where sperm that have been washed and concentrated are placed directly in the uterus around the time the ovary releases one or more eggs to be fertilized

SOURCES: 

medicalnewstoday.com

pathfertility.com

igenomix.net 

mayoclinic.org